Reflection

Being a stay at home mom is hard.

I say that knowing how ridiculous it sounds! I have been the market HR support for over 20 stores, nearly 2000 employees spanning 6 states. I've been the change manager for major corporate changes and layoffs, supported Texas and Arkansas from my desk in Iowa (virtual support had never been done before) and integrated the Community model/mentality into a company that had never differentiated in that way. I've spearheaded jobshare for a corporation of 100,000 people and paved the way for female leaders with the WOLF program - yet watching and managing my 3 children has brought on a new set of challenges I never thought I'd face!

I had the opportunity to cover for Kari Joel the last 3 months as she took maternity leave. This was the second time I had covered for her. I was a 10-12 grade counselor at the high school and at the risk of sounding arrogant did a really good job! The principal said she'd hire me on the spot if she had an opening, and I heard many times that the transition was "seamless." Where I struggled is that I felt like I wasn't as good of a parent during my time at the school. I resolved major conflicts that had been brewing for years between parents and the school, helped kids with suicidal ideation, struggles with teachers and grades, college planning and was an outlet for bullying and difficult times. And as much as I excelled as a counselor, I struggled in the parental department. I yelled more, I had less patience, I had little time to plan and make healthy meals and every day was about getting through that day and getting their kids to all their activities.

We had two kids in soccer, for Kenna that meant 3 days a week, 3 days a week of karate, piano lessons and horseback riding lessons. Zach had 2 days of soccer a week, started choir and boy scouts. Poor Grayson I had to opt out of music because there physically wasn't a time that we could squeeze it in! I want my kids to be well rounded and involved but I was constantly exhausted! I didn't have any time for myself and little time for Josh. I sometimes fell asleep at 8:30, and really stopped getting up at 5am to exercise about a month after I started the assignment. I'm not really sure how people balance doing both parenting and a full time job well. How can I be a great employee and a great mom/wife?

When I worked for Best Buy, while the hours were long - I planned when I worked for the most part. I could do things at home in between my hours of working. I could plan my travel (somewhat) around my kids and their activities. Its so much harder when you have a set time to be places. I found myself feeling guilty for not staying late at work when I had to get my kids somewhere. But I loved the fulfillment I got from the work -and I liked being interesting again. I had adult interactions daily and was part of problem solving teams again. I was learning and challenging myself, and when I spoke to my friends I had intriguing stories to share and opinions on schools and where they were going. I felt.....interesting.

On the flip-side, I have been back home for a few weeks now and NOTHING makes me happier than when Grayson comes running out of school to give me a big hug, or gets excited at the idea of us doing puzzles together. I've heard more "I love you moms" in the last few weeks than in the last year. My kids are so much better behaved because I am picking them up, or am home when they get home versus having to fend for themselves for an hour. I get to have long talks with Kenna about her day, and can work with Zach on his homework right after school so he doesn't get so worked up about doing it later. I can plan and make dinner and we can all sit down and eat it together. And to my kids I am so so interesting!

I do not regret my choice to stay home at all. I love every second I get to spend with my precious babies. They will only think I am cool for so long, and I plan to eat it up! I am going to continue to work really hard not to lose a piece of myself in the process and try to focus on self-betterment during this time.

To the stay at home moms out there I salute your efforts and your ability to balance and make a better life for your family - it is hard work but well worth it!